Every couple, at times, will be a couple in need. This is not a judgment on your particular relationship. It’s an acknowledgment that relationships are hard work. Accepting this reality can go a long way in helping you sustain your connection. It reminds you that you shouldn’t take the good times for granted. Moreover, when the inevitable rough patches appear, you’ll be ready to find solutions.
One such solution is Emotionally Focused Therapy or EFT. Formulated as an effective, short-term approach, EFT just may be right for you and your partner.
What is EFT?
Created in the 1980s, EFT is a humanistic approach to psychotherapy. It centers on the attachment style of the couple being treated. More specifically, EFT is designed to assist couples in distress so they can improve their relationship and fortify their love attachment. Common concerns EFT can address include:
- When one or both partners are struggling with trauma or depression
- Anger issues
- Betrayal and loss of trust
- Dealing with illness
- Regulating emotional responses
EFT has been shown to address insecurity and doubt within a couple’s attachment. This is accomplished by working past the acute phase of a conflict or crisis. Rather, the focus is on the bond and the attachment style that exits beneath.
How Emotionally Focused Therapy Supports Couples in Need
Putting Out the Fire
Before problems can be revealed and addressed, they usually need to be deescalated. In EFT, your therapist will initiate this process as so:
- Clarify what the primary issues are for you and your partner. This is an important form of agreement during a crisis.
- Identify the unexamined patterns that have grown out of the negative emotions and interactions related to the primary issues. Begin efforts to short-circuit these counterproductive patterns.
- In the calmer atmosphere, dig deeper to expose the underlying causes behind the problems, patterns, emotions, and interactions.
- Connect the root cause with the outward behaviors and link it to your relationship’s attachment style.
Rewiring the Reactions
As you learn more about the unconscious cycle you’ve created, you are in a good position to learn new methods of interaction and expression. This begins with:
- Helping the two of you get comfortable with articulating your wants, needs, and previously suppressed feelings.
- Helping each partner develop the skills need to hear and validate the other’s wants, needs, and previously suppressed feelings.
- As this dialogue develops, you will be encouraged to make such communication the new normal. This will enhance the security of your attachment.
Applying What You Learned
So much of your insecurity grows from a dearth of healthy communication. You’ve deescalated the crisis. And you’ve cultivated a productive dialogue. Next steps:
- You hone your skills to stay focused on solutions to problems, old and new.
- The two of you take these skills with you out of the therapy session and apply them in your day-to-day life.
The EFT basics outlined above empower you as a couple. You will no longer just assume you know what there is to know about each other. Instead, you rely on honest communication to air out emotions and problems. With the new skills you’ve developed, it then becomes easier to find common ground and find solutions.
Get Started With EFT
As mentioned above, EFT has the benefit of being a short-term treatment that gets results. If what you read above resonates with you and your partner, why not find out more? There is nothing unusual or shameful about being a couple in need…especially in 2020! The good news is that help is available and Emotionally Focused Therapy may be the avenue for you. Reach out today for a free consultation.